MARK
Good Morning, we are Mark & Betty Squier.  We are members of the Retrouvaille Program of Metro-Detroit. Retrouvaille is a Christian peer ministry for troubled marriages. We are here to speak to you about marriage and choices. We thank Fr. Andrew for inviting us to talk to you today. You might be wondering why I am connecting “Choices” to “Marriage” this way. Well, we’ve come to believe that life is not about FAIR. Life is about cause and effect. Choices are what sets in motion those causes that have an effect on and in our lives. Let me explain this cause and effect relationship for you.  50 years ago and from the millions of women on this planet, I chose Betty to become my wife.
 
BETTY
And from all the millions of men that I could have chosen from, I chose to accept Mark’s proposal. On June 2 of this year, we will celebrate that choice with our 50 ^th wedding anniversary.  In those 50 years, we both individually and mutually have made thousands of choices.  Some good, some not so good.  The one thing that all those choices had in common was they produced consequences.
 
BETTY
Our choices gave rise to changing circumstances and opportunities that affected not only us as individuals, man and woman, husband and wife, but also as father and mother, with 5 children, we had become a family of 7.
 
MARK
As a police officer, I had been dispatched to thousands of homes to investigate domestic violence. On one fateful occasion, I responded to a home where the violence had risen to the level of broken bones. I was moved by this woman’s injuries and circumstances. I chose a strategy and a course of action designed to protect her from future assaults. That choice led to the circumstances of an affair.
That affair led me to another choice, and in May of 1986, I filed for divorce, one month before our 19 ^th wedding anniversary.  I believed that divorce would result in a change that would bring happiness into my life.  It did not. 

Filing for divorce did bring about a dramatic change in the way Betty and I related to each other on all levels and how I related to my children. Thus began the three years of misery, despair and hatred that caused the death of our once beautiful, yet flawed marriage.  We all became prisoners stuck in misery and our house was our prison cell.
 
BETTY
An image of this was like all the doors and windows were closed and the drapes and shades were shut and the electricity was turned off. We were living in the darkness and chill of a failed marriage, living with contempt, bitterness, grudges and unforgiveness.  I was desperate and looking for help when I discovered a notice about Marriage Encounter in the church bulletin. When I called, they told me about Retrouvaille and we attended. Retrouvaille helped me a lot; ….. Mark ….. not so much.
 
MARK
I chose to attend Retrouvaille, but I did not have good intentions. I wanted to prove to Betty that our marriage was dead and that we should bury it and move on. We finished the weekend phase of the program and I began to reconsider my choice to file for divorce. We struggled with more misery because I was resistant to admitting to myself that my choice to file for divorce was a bad one. Retrouvaille introduced us to the life giving power of forgiveness.  Forgiveness between a husband and wife is very different than the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Reconciliation did little in terms of restoring my relationship with Betty.
 
MARK
In order to receive Betty’s forgiveness, I had to become honest with myself and with her about my choices and the misery that resulted. I had to be sincere as I explained how much I regretted making those choices and also regretted how I behaved while trying to implement those choices.
 
BETTY
When I told Mark that I could and did forgive him, it was like I opened one window and shade, allowing a little light and fresh air into our prison cell in the house. Forgiveness began to breathe new life into our marriage and family like CPR brings a person back from death.
 
MARK
Gradually, as forgiveness transformed the way we related to each other and our children, we opened all the windows and shades completely changing the atmosphere in our house, making it a home once again. We were resurrected from the dark cell of a failed marriage with a new understanding of ourselves, each other and our wedding vows ….. Especially, “FOR BETTER OR WORSE”!
 
BETTY
Today we come to you as witnesses to the transformation and hope that forgiveness and Retrouvaille offers to all married couples, regardless of their religious affiliation.
 
BETTY
In conclusion, we would like to share with you briefly about another Retrouvaille couple in the process of becoming a presenting team, Brandon and Amy. Earlier this month, Brandon left his home for training with the Michigan National Guard continuing to serve his country with honor. He became deathly ill and died on Holy Thursday evening. Upon his death, Amy told us that the last two years since Retrouvaille their house has been so peaceful, she loved him so much and that he just told her a week earlier that she was the best thing that ever happened to him. Please hear this quote of Jesus, take it to heart, and act upon it, because like Brandon & Amy, you never know when you have spoken of your love for each other for the last time.