Good Afternoon.
Father asked me to share my resurrection story a few weeks ago. I have pondered and contemplated over what to say every single day since. This has proven to be the most emotional journey yet for me. Why, you might ask. Because I have been asked to share with this particular audience, the single most intimate relationship I am a part of. To speak of it is always an emotional conversation, but I am here to try.
So, I embarked on this journey by just trying to answer some of the basic questions that Father asked of me. I cannot tell you of the particular time and place that I met Jesus, because I cannot recall a time in my life when I did not know Him. It was my Mother who insisted I attend Trinity Episcopal Church, where I grew up. It was the home of my grandmother and her 12 children. It was the place she raised her children and where her children ultimately raised theirs. All of the grandchildren knew to process into church and sit next to her. Sitting within her earshot meant there was nothing else to do but follow the service in the prayer book; not a peek should escape my lips unless it was the Confession of Sins, the Eucharistic prayer, or the Lord ’s Prayer. It was there I learned the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit; three who really are One. And that at any time, calling on One really meant you were calling on all three. While my mother was the one who introduced me to church, I know as a child I always felt Him with me and was very aware of the Holy Spirit IN me.
I have always been a “flower child”; universal belonging, peace, and love. I learned very young to listen to my inner voice and follow its lead. When it’s the right thing to do, you won’t question it. When it’s the wrong thing, you will contemplate it and question it, endlessly.
I think that Jesus has always revealed himself to me through the Spirit. The Spirit of the Lord has always made himself known at the right time, from the right person, and in the right place. My earliest experience of Jesus revealing himself through the Spirit, was with my grandmother. She had a Spirit that would light up a room. But hers was not a loud and playful one, hers had a quiet reverent way, it was full of wisdom. Though I learned the 10 commandments in Sunday school, confirmation class, and from the annual gathering around the television set to watch Cecile B. DeMille’s rendition, my grandmother is the one that I remembered relating the commandments to my everyday life. She is the one I most remember insisting that prayer was vital; it is the most important conversation to have. When I was in the presence of her, my world LIT UP and my spirit danced.
Going off to college was the time that I can pinpoint leaving the Episcopal Church, but never Christianity. I had a decent prayer life (thanks to my grandmother) and I was of good moral character (as my mother instilled in me), so I was off to find “my way”. Being led by my spirit, I encountered many people during my college journey. I learned about many different faiths and religions. From Christians, to Muslims, to people of the New Age practice, I found at some point or another we would engage in conversation about their journey. And as I reflect now on those stories, the one thing that is common amongst them is GOD. And the true thing that was real for me when talking to them is that they were filled with the most inviting and warm spirit, which prove to be the attraction that brought us to the conversation in the first place. I know now, that all of those conversations and stories were meant for ME to hear, to absorb, and to ponder. Not for conversion of any sort, but assurance that HE is in all walks of life and he would continue to walk with me.
I think my next transition spiritually speaking came when I graduated college and returned to Michigan. There were many changes to embrace, one of which was the closing of my childhood parish. I spent a good portion of the next phase of my spiritual growth wandering to various churches of varying denominations. Most often times it started as an invitation from a warm spirited-friend, sometimes it was just my journey to find what felt like “home”, again. I never had any negative encounter during my church travels. Some places I stayed longer than others. But all of them were necessary for my walk with Jesus, because the experiences I have had, always brought me closer to Him.
My prayer life never waned and my spirit soared because I took from those places practices that made me feel closer. I learned the power that gospel music had on my spirit from the Baptist church. I learned the importance of studying the bible from the Non-denominational church. I learned to pray without ceasing and gather-in-one-accord to agree, and the power that practice alone has. I learned the importance of praising God from whom all blessings flow. I learned Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law”. Jesus was in all of these places and to walk in the spirit, and not in my human-ness was required.
Fast forward a few years. My daughters are attending this phenomenal Catholic School; certain to provide them the educational foundation they need to excel and nourish there spiritual foundation because I still had not yet found a church home. How did I find this school? I didn’t, my Spirit guided me. I toured several faith-based schools. But when I walked in the front door of St Clare, accompanying my daughters to be tested for admission, my spirit once again soared. It danced. I knew before the testing finished, this was the place. The girls attended from kindergarten through eighth grade. It’s been two years now that they have graduated. I watched them take their spiritual walk right here, in this place. And, at most every turn they have been greeted with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. This beautiful place is their church “home”; and because of that it is mine as well.
My journey has not always been easy. I have had many a trial or tribulation. The devil is busy. It is his job. Mine, is to stay focused on God. Believe in the Spirit that He placed in me. And, trust that He walks with me. It is His voice that whispers in my ear when I am troubled. It is His voice that whispers in my ears when I don’t know what to do. It is He who guides me to the folks whose spirit has something to teach me. It is He who taps me on the shoulder, to pay attention, when Father’s homily resonates in my soul.
So when did I meet Jesus? I don’t really know the minute or hour or day, I have just always known HIM. How do I recognize HIM? MY SPIRIT knows each and every time. He is all around me and He is definitely in this place.